I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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