hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
