Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
