i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
