This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hippo gnu deer
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
