My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
