OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize