It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
