Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
