While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Help me help you realize you are a moron
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
