I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
