Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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