whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
