The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
