I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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