So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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