First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
