have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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