He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
