so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
