did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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