As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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