there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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