You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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