Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Mom said you looked used
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
