Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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