Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
