bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
