Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
