Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
