Betty ford says i'm here all night
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
