cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
