last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
