bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
