Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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