if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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