fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
