dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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