So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
They are going to name an STD after you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
