So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
