So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
