when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
