That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
