That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
