3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
