I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
