All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
