Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
