umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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