I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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