i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
