Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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