I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
