I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize