My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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