This dress was meant to end up on your floor
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I will be naked everywhere
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize