we have officially lost it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
