is your mom at the bar?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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