Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
