Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He shit in the fireplace
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
