And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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