I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
