im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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