I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
