before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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