how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
