i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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