I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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