I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
